Politics

Panic Over Ratings at CNN Tops Friday Roundup

Before you get ready for that last burger, you know…the burned one that no one else wants, or the last warm beer this weekend, take a couple minutes off to catch up on the news before you get drunk and go into a food coma.

We can help you do that. Because this is Friday Roundup:

  • As CNN gets beat in the latest ratings by the likes of TLC, Investigation Discovery, and the Hallmark Channel, frightened hysteria has taken hold at the Atlanta news station. While the pseudo-stars who are leading the popularity demise against rivals like Fox News and MSNBC stay safe in lucrative contracts, the rank and file are scared for their jobs and actively looking to jump ship. Couldn’t happen to a nicer agitprop media outlet for pre-teens.
  • Former Trump aide Sebastian Gorka almost punched out some twee punk from Playboy/CNN at a White House press summit after the leftist scribe told conservatives they were “eager for demonic possession.” Gorka took exception to the remark and strode across the Rose Garden ready to knock the guy into next week. Sadly, the Secret Service interrupted the upcoming melee, saving the hide of the likely quivering-with-fear-and-arousal left-wing lap dog.
  • The president covered his bruised tracks again on the census question with an Executive Order to get the data “by other means.” It recalls the answer to a reporter by a USMC general when told he was retreating, “Retreat hell! We’re just advancing the other way!”
  • Dem Rep. Bill Clay of MO carried some water for Nancy Pelosi as he attacked AOC and her fellow Four Frosh Furies over their recent delicious insinuation that Pelosi is racist. Clay said it was a “weak argument,” talked about “the level of ignorance on their part,” and said “they will have to learn to be effective legislators.” He also said, “they are jello-brained political debutantes who confuse estrogen overload with the cognitive process.” Okay, maybe I said that.
  • Former Republican Rep. Trey Gowdy thinks Robert Mueller’s upcoming testimony before Congress will be a big nothingburger. Maybe and maybe not. The lure of DC applause has swayed many a better man than Mueller. Though no matter what he says or doesn’t say, the press will play it as proof Trump regularly pistol whips blind kittens.
  • Jennifer Palmieri, former bigtime Hillary aide, says she would “ankle dive at the door” to prevent her onetime boss from running for president again. Speaking of kinds of diving, Hillary’s husband again denied flying more than four times with Jeffrey Epstein on the “Lolita Express,” though plane records show him on board the plane, and perhaps aircraft personnel, twenty-six times.
  • Bob Foster, a Mississippi State representative running for governor refuses to be alone in a room with a woman who is not his wife. Apparently the late Rev. Billy Graham lived by the same practice. Claims of sexism have followed from the usual suspects, the same people who decry the predatory tactics and assaults of the Hollywood pervs who just love to be in rooms with anybody but their wives.
  • And finally, Royal Navy frigate HMS Montrose turned its artillery toward the wee gunboats of Iran’s Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps while the small crafts were harassing a British tanker. When they saw the glorious and righteous potential cannonade of Her Majesty’s naval service, the waterborne insects ran away. In a just world they would have blown the Iranians out of the water. Then the ship’s officers would have had a fluted glass of Pol Roger to celebrate.

Have a good weekend.

The opinions expressed here by contributors are their own and are not the view of OpsLens which seeks to provide a platform for experience-driven commentary on today's trending headlines in the U.S. and around the world. Have a different opinion or something more to add on this topic? Contact us for guidelines on submitting your own experience-driven commentary.
David Kamioner

A veteran of service with US Army Intelligence, the Pershing Nuclear Brigade, and the First Infantry Division, Kamioner is a graduate of the University of Maryland’s European Division and spent over twenty years as a political consultant, college instructor, non-profit director, and corporate PR director. He hails from New York City and grew up in South Florida. He served with the American Red Cross as part of the relief effort for Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in 2005 and Hurricane Sandy in 2012. For several years he ran homeless shelters, most recently homeless shelters for US military veterans. He currently is a Senior Contributor for OpsLens.com, a writer for American Greatness, and has been published in LifeZette. He is the author of the novel "Prisoner of the Chattering Class" and lives in Annapolis, Maryland.

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