Before we start, an editorial note. For a while I’ve been writing two columns every weekday. But the time I’m spending on educational counseling and generally giving “moral” support to the strippers in Florida I sponsor through the Make a Really Good Wish Foundation has cut into my journalistic schedule.
Thus the question arose, do I have more of a professional and patriotic commitment to defending the values and ideals I hold dear or am I more interested in the vile and prurient activities my pert and nubile exotic dancer galpals engage in on a regular basis?
Easy, the strippers.
Or as that German guy who founded that schismatic religion said when he was drunk or something, “Here I stand, I can do no other…” The line goes on to reference God, but why bring the Big Fella into this?
As such, Karamel, Destiny, LaTaWanda, and all the girls (who I have recently referred to as my Florida Female Focus Group) at The Gold Coast Club in Dania Manors, Florida, thank you for your indulgence and indirect contribution to their lifelong dreams of earning enough to finish a sophomore year at community college.
Friday Roundup already seems to be successful with the more enlightened of you. So to cover the weekend news and info you may need going into the week, so you don’t sound like a complete hungover dunce at the water cooler, I beneficently bring you Monday Briefing…
- Joe Biden continues his Tone Deaf 2019 Tour, as he takes heat from rivals on any matter regarding race and anything at all he utters including the words “a” and “the.” The former veep cannot catch a break from the race-hustlers in his party, including Kamala Harris, who completely made up the busing claim she slammed Biden with at the debate. He will go on to be further trashed again and again for being an old white male. Sorry, Joe, when you lie down with mangy dogs you get fleas, among other things.
- The president crossed into North Korea over the weekend and resisted the urge to ask its petite dictator where he could get good kimchi or bulgogi take-out.
- Dem candidate Tim Ryan has not given up the lost hope of warning his party about their obsession with classic red economic nostrums and identitarian litmus tests. Taking a break from the campaign trail, next week he is off to Greenland to warn them about snow.
- Pride Month parades across the nation gave a chance for the nation’s gays, who are consistently and loudly lauded by virtually every major facet of American economic and pop culture, to remind the rest of the country how oppressed they are.
- Not to be outdone by mere colonials (and I am not making this up), the London Zoo is planning a celebration for…wait for it… their gay penguins Ronnie and Reggie, with a bash entitled (still not making this up) “Some Penguins Are Gay. Get Over It.”
- Beto O’Rourke, after a disastrous debate performance, is now campaigning in Mexico to, one would assume, show Americans of Latin heritage what a noble and compassionate guy he is. His staff missed the small detail that solid majorities of U.S. Latins are quite conservative on immigration. Way to go Beto, another stellar move.
- Boris Johnson has gotten over the yips and found his footing in the UK Tory race for party leader, thus prime minister. This is regardless of the misaimed tomfoolery of Jeremy Hunt and other bland hacks of the squishy middle. Boris should be PM in about three weeks. Then the circus really begins.
- The Imperial Federal Judiciary struck down another attempt by the president to protect our borders. It’ll go to a higher court and the barrier building will eventually proceed. The Dems are trying to run out the clock on the wall as they pray, to whatever sinister perverse apparition has crushed their souls and raped their minds, for a Dem regime to take charge in 2021.
- After Zimbabwe kicked out Mugabe many thought things would get better. I mean, how could they get any worse? So of course, they got worse. More fun times there as government ministers show off their new Lamborghinis while people are murdered and go starving. Yay socialism!
- Hun High Priestess Angela Merkel’s case of the shakes keeps getting worse. Some think it’s a neurological issue. Nah. Just blatant physical proof of her ongoing mental breakdown evidenced by her turning her once stable and prosperous country into a prospective Damascus street fair. The soft chortling one hears to the East given this development? That would be the Poles. Have a good week.