Oh, there is woe in the land!
Let the muffled drums beat and the black crepe be worn, for a shining Lochnivar, a noble warrior, a bald shyster, has been cast down into oblivion, never to grace viewers of CNN, MSNBC, “The View,” “Colbert” or associated fevered broadcasts with his holy nimbus again.
It is true: Michael Avenatti is no more for this cruel world. Uh-huh, his fifteen minutes are up.
A federal grand jury in Manhattan just indicted the git with trying to take his former porn star client to the cleaners (as if anything could clean that) and with attempting to strongarm more than $20 million from sportswear titan Nike.
But how did Mikey appear to us in the long-ago bygone time of earlier this year? He was the guy who made a stink because he claimed his client slept with the president and, this is the good part, the party that turned a blind eye to JFK, Teddy Kennedy, and Bill Clinton clutched their pearls, uncorked their smelling salts and were aghast you see, aghast at the alleged Trumpian tomfoolery.
From there it quickly escalated to an incipient 2020 Dem presidential candidacy loudly and glowingly marketed by CNN. Yes, here was the fighter they needed! The junkyard dog to take on the bully in the Oval Office! Sure, he beat his girlfriend like a rug. But so what! He was their guy!
Though there was one thing missed by the eagle-like gazes of the boys and girls at CNN.
With economic numbers like this, no one cares if Trump is sleeping with his wife, a blousy stripper who can’t put together a coherent sentence, or a publicly affectionate yet moody woodchuck named Roger, as long as the numbers keep rolling in.
And then, when Avenatti’s slimy game became apparent, even the trollop went south on him. That was a metaphor, pervs.
He now faces several federal charges and will no doubt in the fullness of time make a particularly awkward geisha for some brutish cellmate. Until then he can ruminate on his time hanging with Chris Cuomo, Don Lemon, and all his former fans at the nose-diving network.
He will think of what could have been…what almost was…a kind of president CNN truly could have looked up to from their secure place, at the bottom of the journalistic gutter.