Herbert Spencer is Not Happy

Most people, saving one phrase, have forgotten about the sage of the late 19th century, Herbert Spencer. Richard Peters of the Von Mises Institute said several years ago, “The only other English philosopher to have achieved anything like such widespread popularity was Bertrand Russell, and that was in the 20th century.”

The phrase we all know is “survival of the fittest,” which he came up with in his 1864 “Principles of Biology.” He penned that after reading Darwin’s “On the Origin of the Species.” No, this is not a creationism article, so keep your knickers on.

The reason Spencer is miffed, and Darwin as well given his idea of natural selection, is that some people seem to have somehow made it through the biological culling process. No, not your annoying ex-wife or that guy who cuts you off every day at the four-way stop by your house. Though they are candidates. We speak of those whose genetic line should have been ended long ago in a quick caveman vs. caveman altercation, a dark-ages pillaging, or any number of chances over the centuries to impale themselves on sharp objects. These lucky misfits, dodging cosmic justice, now sit in the Democratic Caucus of the U.S. House of Representatives.

How, aside from general principle and reading Spencer, do I know this? Because they have recently proposed what the amusing and attractive Kim Strassel of the Wall Street Journal said was so loony that, “If a bunch of GOPers plotted to forge a fake Democratic bill showcasing how bonkers the party is, they could not have done a better job. It is beautiful.”

Yes, it’s that product of much theorizing on the way to school in little yellow buses, the Dem’s Green New Deal (GND).

Leading the charge on this unintentional parody is, of course, our slow-learner junior high school pal, AOC. She is joined on the front lines of advocacy by Ed Markey, a mental non-entity out of Massachusetts. Co-sponsors, not to be left out of the village idiot hoedown, are presidential aspirants Harris, Gillibrand, Klobuchar, Booker, and Warren. It’s not even a real bill, but a non-binding resolution. Which is like promising your girlfriend a romantic dinner on Valentine’s Day and wondering if Arby’s meets the standard.

The GND proposes a WWII-like “social, industrial, and economic mobilization.” One problem, kids: we’re not in a world war. It’s a supposed panacea to deal with “systemic injustices towards minority groups.” Which is weird, because from the Klu Klux Klan, to Jim Crow, to standing in the doorway of black students just trying to go to school, to affirmative action, most of the injustices towards minority groups have been perpetrated by the very political party with whom the fans and sponsors of this measure align themselves. But then again, history, logic, or even sentience have never been the strong suit of the modern national Democratic Party.

It also seeks to “create millions of high-wage jobs.” We know that will undoubtedly be successful because government, not the private sector, is soooooo good at creating jobs, eh? And we know from our founding documents like the Constitution that creating jobs is a primary task of government, huh? Yeah, sure, it’s an amendment right here…uh…right there…cough…somewhere in there.

The resolution promises to lead to “unprecedented levels of prosperity and economic security.” I totally believe that. And after we sacrifice unicorn blood to Lenin in the morning and spend the remainder of the day braiding our hair and painting our toenails, rest assured all of America will believe it too. Or I am not the legitimate heir to the throne of Norway.

The silliness is titled with, and predictably chock full of, watermelon commie nonsense. This includes guaranteeing “access to nature” as a political and legal right. Ummm, what? Will we bus urban denizens into the wilds to satisfy their longing for lush spaces of green? Do they get a box lunch of tofu and kale? Will AOC wear a slutty tube top and hooker shorts to the outing? Okay, I’ll go.

Oh, scratch that. We can’t bus anybody anywhere because cars and buses will be a hoped-for thing of the past. They will be replaced by shimmering Supertrains, of the cheesy 70s television show variety, that will effortlessly whisk us anywhere we like. Those trains will run on rainbows and fairy smiles.

And planes? Gone, much too hurtful to the environment. Back to locomotion by advanced choo-choo. This obsession with pre-flight modes of transportation prompted even usually cretinous zombie Senator Mazie Hirono, D-Pretend Paradise, to respond, “That would be pretty hard for Hawaii.”

Not forgetting any line likely to cause much mirth at the RNC, the GND also wants to “upgrade all existing buildings” in the nation to meet My Little Pony-inspired levels of realistic safety and durability. Yup, “all” existing buildings. Every one. Your house? Uh-huh. Where you work? Sure. Your fave bar? You betcha. All will undergo a facelift and rebuild to correspond to the new regime. Yeah, no problem. What is there, like just a couple of thousand buildings in the whole country? Easy peasy.

I’ve saved my favorite part for last. The proposal deems necessary “economic security for all who are unable or unwilling to work.” Unable? Mostly, okay sure. We’re a kind and generous society and have a basic responsibility to aid those who cannot work. Sold. But errr, “unwilling”? That’s right, a perfect jobs proposal from a millennial. The rest of us can toil so they can play video games and order Uber Eats. No problem, we owe them at least that for all the positive achievements they’ve brought to us like thirty-year-old mom’s basement dwellers and, well, this brilliant piece of legislation. Let’s roll out the red carpet so the precious dears can live in the Bolshie wonderland their Che Guevara tote bags promised them.

In the final analysis of today’s political zeitgeist, infanticide and petulant teenager socialism do seem a rather curious pair of precepts to base a political party on, much less to face a president in less than two years whose poll numbers are good and who is increasingly popular with Independents.

But hey, why stop the fun? Who cares if Spencer and Darwin are hitting the pipe?

For soon the present majority in the House will outlaw meanness and bad things and we’ll all get to swan about the entire day doing essentially nothing and demanding gratitude and respect for doing it.

You know, like the Dems in Congress.

The opinions expressed here by contributors are their own and are not the view of OpsLens which seeks to provide a platform for experience-driven commentary on today's trending headlines in the U.S. and around the world. Have a different opinion or something more to add on this topic? Contact us for guidelines on submitting your own experience-driven commentary.
David Kamioner

David Kamioner is a veteran of US Army Intelligence, serving with the Pershing Nuclear Brigade and the First Infantry Division. Subsequent to that he worked as a political consultant for over fifteen years and ran a homeless shelter for veterans in Philadelphia for four years. He currently is a Public Relations consultant in Washington, DC and lives in Annapolis, MD.

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