In a stunning defeat for a former U.S. administration, U.S.-backed Syrian Democratic Forces (SDF), bolstered by American air power, have reduced the footprint of the ISIS caliphate to a walk-in closet.
Backed by numerous foes of the U.S. and the Free World, ISIS had remained viable until relatively recently due to gobs of cash sent to it by all sorts of villains, likely covertly including the Radical Mullahs in Iran, who former president Obama gleefully shipped palates of cash to during his last hours in office. It was like the Illinois Appeaser was channeling Oprah to the medieval Muslim zealots, as he virtually told them as he was packing, “And you get a car, and you get a car, and…”
The Obama-named “junior varsity” ISIS, though officially an enemy of Iran, logically benefited from ISIS by the “my enemy’s enemy is my friend” notion of the transitive property, as anything that tied up U.S. forces and spent U.S. blood and treasure is no doubt loudly applauded by the turbaned loons of Asia Major, even at the expense of some inane inside baseball dark ages religious feud. That applause was genuine and heartfelt, as was the delivered-by- express-air $1.7 billion in greenbacks. The moolah was sent like an early Valentine to a regime that hates our guts and only wishes us ill. Much like the last president. As such, his soft tearful whimpering over the crushing of ISIS can be empathetically heard in the trendier eateries of Adams Morgan.
When the former Commander in Chief wasn’t sitting for fawning interviews or childish official portraits, the effeminate anti-American American president was insuring U.S. military efforts in that sector of the world were inconclusive by setting non-credible red lines, followed by cute little chartreuse lines, ending with the stunning yet understated mauve lines featured in the June 2016 edition of Iranian Vogue. I might have made up that last part.
When the bullyboy Trump administration came in and let actual military officers run a military operation, ISIS contracted to its current postage stamp-sized enclave. This bit of goat-fancying paradise, which at its height controlled nearly a third of both Iraq and Syria, is about to be completely overrun by the SDF and U.S. flyboys.
In lieu of flowers, the Obamas request that gold bars and usable plutonium be sent directly to Tehran.